It’s okay

Today was hard.  I spent most of the day being a sad sack.  And that’s okay. I was by myself most of the day so I didn’t have to pretend that I was fine.  I could just be sad.

I dropped off some hospital masks and decided to stop at the Mothers Healing Garden to walk the labyrinth before returning home.

So I walked and I talked and I thought.  It is such a wonderfully spiritual place.  Even without the green plants and splotches of color from the flowers that were so brilliant last season.  It still feels so alive; like it has a pulse even.  It might be even more so BECAUSE of what it is missing.

It’s all going to be okay.  But in the mean time, it’s okay to have hard days too.

And it’s okay to wrap up those kind of days by being kind to yourself.  A hot bubble bath and an early to bed plan seems quite kind.  Peace out.

***Edited to note: could not get this posted last night.  And that was okay too.

Cowpokin’

We were here for a very long time.  Like more than an hour even.  No progress.  Powerless.  A stalemate between what I wanted (him to get home) and what he wanted (to stay and eat grass). I sent out the international call for distress—a little cussin’ and a lot of praying.

So we kept doing what we were doing.  we stayed in our own lanes (his was the ditch and mine was between him and highway traffic).

And then we were here.  And we stayed here for a very long time too.  We didn’t go backwards but we didn’t exactly move forward either.

And little by little we got to here!  Things are moving now!  We have some wind in our sails.

And finally we made it.  Hard work.  Perseverance.  Help from above.  All of that.

I win.

#countrylife #gratitude #alwayslearning

 

It’s raining, it’s pouring the old man is snoring!

not really.  He is working.  In the rain and the muck and the mud.  Shout out to Scott!

Because the rain includes lots of lightening, I am not running the quilt machine.  Kind of a bummer because I’m in the middle of a project and I KNEW exactly how I was going to start today.  Oh well, there are always other things begging for my attention.

like laundry-started

floors—anyone besides me find a sense of satisfaction in vacuum lines?

surfaces—I suffer from piles.  If there is a flat surface, I feel compelled to pile some crap on it.  Yet I love a bare surface.  I’m complicated like that.

gridding—one of my happy places

reading—I am heading into Outlanders territory.  Have you read the series?  Did you watch the shows?

binding—just keep stitching!

That’s it.  A day in life ….

 

Cocktails at 9am

Recently 2 very nice adorable intelligent young men made a decision they regretted.  It involved fire.  Everyone is fine.  The carpet, not so much.  Even good smart awesome people make messes.  But messes can be cleaned up ya know?

Today is clean up day.  Very shortly a truck will arrive with new flooring for the family room.

Before picture:

see those lovely vacuum lines?  Scott called while I was vacuuming.  He questioned my purpose.  Why vacuum one more time when it is getting ripped out?

Well first of all, we can’t have people thinking we actually LIVE here.  We must remove all traces of human existence from this room!  Lol.  Not really.  That is just SILLY!

And secondly and more importantly, can you even imagine the satisfaction of vacuuming an entire room without having to go around a single piece of furniture?  Or move a piece of furniture?  Every one of those vacuum lines felt like a great big OCD hug.  That black spot that is circled?  That is melted carpet fibers.

We are replacing the carpet with carpet.  I would have preferred non-carpet because the dog is alive.  But the man was really set on carpet.  He likes to sink his toes into soft warm plushness of carpet.  He also likes a toasty warm bed and bath water temperatures in the pool.  I prefer ice cold sheets and cool enough pool temps that when you jump in, you gasp just a little.  As far as flooring goes, I just don’t like dog hair mixed in with carpet fibers.  But, all the other rooms in the house are carpet-less.  And it was really important to the man.  And less important to me.  Point goes to Scott in this round.

I picked out two samples to show Scott.  He liked them both.  They were very similar.  And then I looked at the name.  Carpets have names just like paints have names.  Did you know?

I chose the one named Cocktails.  Because…cocktails. 🥰

It’s 9:07 and where are my cocktails?  They are lost.  Because GPS directions like to play tricks on people trying to find me.  Better directions have been given with landmarks (there is sign in my pasture that says “Trent Cemetery”).

Cocktails will served soon.

And after:

The grass is green on my side

Prairie grass.  A sea of tall grass.

Tallgrass Prairie
The tallgrass prairie is the wettest prairie ecosystem in South Dakota. The dominant plants of tallgrass prairies are big
bluestem, little bluestem, switchgrass, Indiangrass, prairie sandreed, prairie cordgrass, pasqueflower, goldenrod, purple
coneflower, and prairieclover.

Examples of dominant tallgrass prairie animals are prairie vole, coyote, white-tailed deer, eastern cottontail, jackrabbit, red
fox, ring-necked pheasant, eastern meadowlark, and red-tailed hawk. <Publication of the South Dakota Prairies fact sheet>

I have dreams of putting a concrete sea serpent in our pasture.  It would be so awesome to see the waves of tall prairie grasses gently dancing with the fireflies around the giant humps of a sea serpent.   I can picture it now!

But the Man-child is not on board with my plan. RATS!  I’m not giving up though.  It’s only been on my Christmas list for 30 years.  How great would it look with Christmas lights on it?!?!

Reel it in Kay.  Focus!  So have you noticed how tall the ditch grass is?  So tall.  The wet spring combined with a couple hot days, make for lots of growth.  So tall.  So tall that full grown deer can and will pop out of the tall ditch grass and run into your pickup.  Yeah.  She rammed the headlight and front quarter panel first. Then spun and slammed the back door (it no longer opens). And for her finale, she did a pirouette off the back quarter panel and bumper.  Sigh.  And then she curtsied and ran into the trees.

I’m fine, thanks for asking.  As a confirmed rule follower, I was buckled up for safety and neither speeding nor texting.  Accident report was made and the kind deputy furnished me with a red tag and no citation (21,393 days in a row without a citation—see rule follower).  Insurance company has been contacted and inspection by an adjuster completed.  Just need to to get an estimate of the $$$ it’s going to take to repair the damage.

In the meantime, she showed up at the edge of our tree grove this morning.  It’s her.  I can tell it’s her.  I feel like she is mocking me.

Or maybe she is saying “I’m sorry I ran into you.  I’m okay and you’re okay so let’s move on”.

Yeah that is what she is saying.  Me too.

be safe out there kids.

Chachachanges

Change is HARD ya know?  Even or maybe especially when you are the one initiating change.  WHY??  Why is it so dang hard?!?

So I have been stewing for several months.  Years even really.  Not gut wrenching everyday stewing.  Just back of the mind, floats up during meditation, pinterest posting kind of stewing.  More like “habit stewing”

Well, guess what Martha?  I got off the pot.  I did.

Looks pretty wild right?   That’s what change can be my friends!!  WILD.  IN YOUR FACE.  SCARY.  NOTICABLE.  CHANGE.  No wonder my bejeeber freaks at change.  My resistance forcefield goes up.  The lid snaps shut on my box.

When I’m ready.  When the time is right.  When the stars align.  Change is okay-even good.  And sometimes, after it all gets processed, the end result is much more subtle than the initial changes that took place inside.  Big or small, every little change allows a little bit more of your light to shine.

 

Of course change involves others in one way or another.  Maybe someone else’s  actions nudge you to make changes.  Maybe your change causes a ripple effect for change in others.  Sometimes you need someone to help you change.  Sometimes it’s all of this.  It’s all butterflies.

I hooked up with Brittany for this change.  She is a sweetheart and just amazing at creating beautiful hair.  You can connect with her  HERE 

I am grateful for all the nudgers, ripples, and helpers in my life…you know who you are!

A promise is a promise.

Every.Dang.Year.  When I get out the Christmas decorations, I promise myself that I will be organized when I take them down.  And yet a quick 3-4 months later, I find myself scrambling to rip down the holly and box up the elves to make way for pastel colored Easter eggs and chocolate bunnies.  In my haste, the Christmas boxes and baubles are packed up with less organization than a squirrel’s winter nut stash.

And the cycle repeats itself the next December when all 444 boxes are hauled out again.  Gah!  Once again, major Kay-fail.

How important is it to keep promises?  I have always believed it is Super important!!  I don’t even remember being taught this so it must have been early on in my formative years (Thanks Mom for raising me to be a good human bean).

When I make a promise to someone, I move heaven and earth to keep it.  <insert tiny little voice that I imagine people use in confessional booths> Except those promises that I make to myself.

I promise to drink more water……I promise to stop impulse buying…..I promise to pay bills early….I promise to meal plan….I promise to take a trip that requires getting on a plane…I promise to eat just one chip….I promise to just run the dryer to dry the clothes and not to unwrinkled them…I promise to go to bed at the end of this chapter…I promise no more Hallmark Christmas movie tears…I promise to say no…I promise….

LIES! LIES! LIES! 

My pants aren’t just smokin’!  Those babies are a pile of ashes!

Have you heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you”?  All those lies that I have told myself for YEARS; all those broken promises; they have taught me not to believe myself.  Well that stinks.  If I don’t believe me, who do I believe?  Social media? TV and movies? The weather girl?

I’m not big on New Years Resolutions but I do like to take a look backward for a quick minute to see if there is anything that could use some attention.  It’s  not a new idea, but I kinda like the idea of a “word” or “phrase” for the next year.  Have you chosen a word or phrase instead of a resolution?  Did you notice an impact?  I tried a word generator and it says my word is OPEN.  Well, let’s be honest here, first it said JUMP and we all know I don’t jump.   I’m not sure what my word/phrase will be year but I’m going to give it a good think.

And I’m going to start keeping my promises to myself.  I promise.

Chocolate chips and Swedish death cleaning

Seriously!  What was I thinking?  So, yeah.  10 bags of chips!  The cookie kind!  I don’t even remember buying them.  I am sure that I did buy them.  Did I buy a bag or two in multiple trips or all at once?  Did the clerk wonder about me when I walked out with 10 bags of chips?  I wonder about me sometimes!

Was it for a specific tasty treat that called for 10 bags of chips that never got made?  Or is this the leftovers that I didn’t use?  I hope it was a double batch of deliciousness!  Yummy Milk Chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, tasty Reece’s peanut butter chips, silky ghiradelli dark chocolate chips OH MY!

Sadly this is just one cupboard.  I have several.  My home came equipped with several closets too, and an unfinished room (perfect for storage) that was once a 2nd story porch, a basement, garage, clubhouse, potting shed, and a machine shed.

SERIOUSLY!!  Every nook and cranny is filled with junk, treasures, busted stuff, stuff with price tags still on it,  crafting supplies for crafts that were finished, never started and/or unfinished, things used once and ready and waiting to be used again etc etc etc.   UGH!  30+ years of accumulation.  The detritus of living a blessed life.

I have options.  There is always options!  Short of reporting myself to the reality show Hoarders, my options are this:  continue buying and stashing, stop buying and leave the existing problem for my kids to deal with, or change my ways and clear out the clutter.  Fine. <insert heavy sigh>

I came across a book titled “The gentle art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson.  I like the word “Gentle”.   Seems like that would also mean relatively painless.   I like to avoid pain.  The premise is to edit your stuff while you are alive to make it easier for those that would be responsible for handling your affairs after your death.  I am drawn to living a carefully and thoughtfully edited life.

Now please don’t get the wrong idea.  I will never willingly become a minimalist although I understand it and even have some envy.  That just isn’t me.  I do think that I could reduce my stuff by at least 50% and not miss that 50%.  I bet my checkbook would love a rest too!  I’m gonna work on this.  Gently.

there is lots of clutter in my head too.  Loads of closets full of things that no longer appeal to my heart.  Stories and baggage and experiences that really aren’t mine.  Perspectives that don’t fit me any more.  Negative self talk, self sabotage, and over-thinking no longer belong in my closet.  I’m working on this too.  Gently.

Have you cleared out your closet?  Who needs some cookie chips?

hello?

Car time conversation

Background info: Ian is 7, Kaiden is 6, liam is 4, and nana is…never mind how old (as dirt) I am!

 

so we are on our way home from a movie and Liam asks:

“nana?  Where do we live?”

i reply “we live near Trent”

liam: “no, we live in canada”

ian and Kaiden: “we do not live in CANADA!”

liam: “yes-HUH!  I know because of the maple syrup we eat on pancakes and waffles”

ian and Kaiden snicker and snort.  Ian:  “Liam do you live in china?

liam: “no”

kaiden: “do you live in America”

liam:”no”

ian:  ” well look at that American flag!”

kaiden: ” that means you live in America not Canada”

ian:  UNITED STATES of America! We are a m e r i c a n s!”

It’s quiet for a minute and then Liam says just loud enough for the boys to hear:

“I live in French”

And groans erupt from the back seat along with much head slapping.