retreat bonus activity

1 Feb

so, another little pleasure from the retreat facility was that they have an “on staff massage therapist”. well h e l l o! after sitting long hours in a banquet chair ( i even tried doubling up the chair for a while to obtain a more ergonomic table to chair ratio) this sounded like just the trick.

i saw pictures of the fella here and there and he looked young. cute, and young. could i actually subject such a child to pushing around my middle aged chub? indeed i could and i did.

he brought his little chair into our sewing room and for several hours, he took one after another of us quilters. 20 minutes of pure bliss i tell you. i felt so danged good afterwards i signed up for a 30 minute reflexology session.

my sister kris gives the most amazing foot massages ever. except before she totally puts you in hog heaven, she tortures you with cold lotion in between your toes just because she likes to see you twist and twitch in agony. but it’s worth it. i don’t miss the massages as much as i miss her but it’s close! anyhoo, i thought this fella might do something similar. he also offered hot rock massages, deep tissue massages and a list of a bunch of other things but i thought that might involve taking off more than my socks.

in preparation for the reflexology, i borrowed a razor and shaved my legs-hello! he’s already gonna be rubbing my crusty feet. i try to be kind.

so i get there and fill out all the appropriate paperwork….it has a warning on it to let me know that massages are absolutely NON sexual. good to know.

and the little child then proceeds to tell me that 30 minutes is a long time for reflexology and perhaps i’d like some time spent on my shoulders and neck. ok, you’re the expert. so then he says “strip down to whatever you’re comfortable in– keeping in mind skin to skin give the best result.” huh? but you rubbed my back and shoulders yesterday with my clothes on (this was a thought in my head but i kept it from exiting out my lips) he left the room and said to let him know when i was ready. okay, i’m 47 now, how do you feel about 13 years from now WHEN I’M DEAD?!?!?!? there was only 1 door in this room so i couldn’t slip out the back jack, make a new plan stan etc.

okay, fine. i’m an adult (most of the time, okay some of the time). i managed to get “comfortable” after spinning myself into the sheet that was provided. i even found another sheet in a cupboard and spun up in that. i’m sure i looked very similar to the hungry little caterpillar in ian’s book that eats 1 strawberry, 2 apples, 3 blueberries, 4….(you see where i’m going here) until after 7 days, he’s now a chubby caterpillar and wraps himself in a fat cocoon. the story ends with a beautiful butterfly. i was fairly confident my story would not end like that.

so this child comes in and somehow manages not to throw up (how very professional) from pushing my chub around and before i know it i’m in caterpillar heaven. i think he could have convinced me to sign away my longarm before he was done.

needless to say, i recommend this fella for the back, shoulders and neck massages. is it too early to sign up for next years appointment?

my sister’s foot massages has his beat though.

and NO. there are no pictures with this post. are you kidding me?!?


3 Responses to “retreat bonus activity”

  1. Sybil February 1, 2008 at 8:38 pm #

    Wow. Good on you for letting some young buck touch your middle-aged pudge! I’m proud of you sista. Love the visual descriptions as always.

    Also glad you splurged on some therapy – I’m sure you were in desperate need of it. You don’t take care of yourself or put yourself first often enough – but you already know I think that, don’t you?

  2. Tina Chamberlain February 2, 2008 at 2:43 am #

    I wanna go! I would love a massage right about now. Good for you!

  3. KK February 5, 2008 at 1:44 am #

    Had a great giggle over your hungry caterpillar analogy.

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