in honor of the first snow storm

2 Dec

this is a repeat posting for some of my blog readers that are required to love me. you know… family and close friends. i wrote this last year before i had this blog but i sent it out as an email to those few on the before mentioned list (the ones required to love me) i hesitate to post this. but i can laugh at myself. so don’t be all judgy of me. don’t send me hatemails. it is what it is. however, if you are a sensitive type person, you may wanna skip this one

Why me? It’s a simple question. I need it to have a simple answer. BECAUSE is NOT an answer even though it is simple.

So today I’m going over the multitude of items on my “Must do today” list: finish Linda’s quilt (must start it also but that was on yesterday’s “should do list” and it’s now rolled over into the “Must do today” list.) meet with a client (I don’t really have “clients” but it sounds all professional like so I’m sticking with that word choice), do at least 1 load of laundry as I put on my last pair of “emergency” underwears this morning, scoop snow from clubhouse sidewalk due to “client” appointment (never mind that I tromp (good word choice kay) through 10” of snow across the yard several times a day). So with my day all mapped out I hit my “must see” websites (2 quilting ones, my yahoo account, my yaks account, etonline and the obituary page-hey, I’ve recently moved into the next age bracket so I need to keep up!

I hit the streets with my favorite bubbly adult beverage…fine okay, I went outside with a flavored water and upon arrival at the clubhouse, decided to get the scooping done right away as I neglected to check to see what time my “client appointment” was taking place.

The shovel is conveniently stored next to whichever doorstep got shoveled last. I can vaguely hear the sounds of “I am woman hear me roar” in my head. I like to get pumped up for hard physical labor type work. I work out the kinks in my shoulders and flex up my bi-ceps and pecs (just to “warm” up the muscles you know).

Okay, I’m stalling here. I grasp and pull on the shovel and realize that it obviously had frozen to the ground and with my immense strength, I had just pulled an enormous clump of dead grass including a gi-normous root system right out of the ground. Wow. I’m impressed with myself. So now I’m trying to scrape off the dirt clump from the shovel….hello how can I scoop snow with a big clump of roots on the end of it. It won’t come off as easily as I think it should so I sort of start hitting the side of the clubhouse with it. My thought is in doing that i will break up the clump so that it will come off the shovel easier. I was wrong.

I was wrong about a lot of things.

I did not have immense strength. I’ve never had immense strength. Can’t imagine what planet I was living on to think that I got immense strength just by working out some kinks. No-one gets immense strength in one day even if you are channeling Helen Reddy and roaring. Yeah I was wrong.

I did not pull an enormous clump of dead grass out of the ground.

Nor was there a gi-normous root system attached to the dead grass.

Like I said. I was wrong. Way wrong.

The shovel had not frozen itself to the ground.

Just a heads up here….if you are eating breakfast, STOP. I mean it. STOP reading right now.

You’ve been warned.

As mentioned before, I was wrong. I did mention that didn’t I?

Apparently what I thought was a large clump of dead grass with a huge root system attached to it was actually a cat.

Yes a cat had frozen itself to my shovel. It was a cat I was trying to scrape off the shovel. It was a cat I was banging against the clubhouse wall. Luckily (if there is any luck here) I am quite certain that the cat was not merely frozen to my shovel. I believe (and I do truly believe this and not just because it makes it slightly less sickening) that the cat was dead long before I even flexed my pecs.

I just hope that the CIA’s magnification satellites were not honed in on the clubhouse this morning or Peta is going to be all over my ass.

Tomorrow an eye appointment is on the “must do today” list.


2 Responses to “in honor of the first snow storm”

  1. Sybil December 2, 2007 at 1:50 am #

    yeah, I’m one of those that is ‘required’ to love you….and I did get this entry last year….but again, I am rolling on the floor laughing with risk of wetting myself (damn old age!).

    No snow storm or frozen dead cats here….clear blue sky, nice ocean breeze, balmy 80 degrees….

  2. Christine Olson December 2, 2007 at 2:56 am #

    OMG!!! Too funny and SICK! ROTFLOLPIMPLMAO!!!

    Perhaps it’s a good thing that we didn’t get our predicted snow. But it is snowing somewhere… 😉

    Cats, be afraid, very afraid! 😀

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